Monday, May 7, 2007

Internal Grace

This past weekend, God for People Who Hate Church Conference took place. It was quite successful and insightful. However, something happened on Saturday morning which for the most part was extremely shameful and put a small sour note to start the conference. Even though I offered a public apology and I asked and was given forgiveness. I felt my heart break in two, as well as sorrow for extremly disappointing those who love me from the Church.

Many individuals have been extremely concerned telling me: Do not beat yourself? Let it go if not the Devil continues to mess with you. We love you and realize life is messy.

Here is the problem even though through the death and resurrection of our Lord we are accepted the way we are and grace allows us to redeem ourselves, how do I forgive myself and allow grace to enter my heart. How do I create or allow INTERNAL GRACE to set in. Nothing I have done to attempt to make amends gives me the atonement and comfort I seek.

I guess only time will heal my wounds. I write this posting not for answers, but to seek insight into Christ's workings. I try every day to walk down that path of righteousness and even though I stumble, I get up. Sometimes I guess it seems its not enough.

Again I say, I am confess to you all bloggers that I have sinned through my own heart, my thoughts, my words, what I have done and what I have failed to do. I ask for forgiveness and grace to continue to fight the battle for the Kingdom. Amen

9 comments:

carl said...

You are my brother, I love you, no judgement here. I need grace in my life as much (if not more) as the next person.

A-Typical Sociologist said...

Thanks Carl you are so cool. I guess I am trying to find a new type of grace.

John Smulo said...

Jesus loves us no matter what. Nothing can separate us from it. But I know how tough it is at times when we feel we've blown it.

I feel the same way as Carl--you are my brother and I love you no matter what. I need grace in my life as much (if not more) as the next person.

Enjoy the love and grace of Jesus and the awesome church community you are a part of.

A-Typical Sociologist said...

Hey John,

Thanks for the support. It was so cool meeting you and I look forward to your posts and getting to know better as a brother in Christ

Pastor Phil said...

Thanks for being so open and vulnerable. Some people would run and hide in a hole, and not come out. You are brave, and remarkably unique for sticking out the relationships. Grace is on you, and it may not feel like it yet, but it is a new type of grace.

Love you bro,
Phil

g13 said...

carlos, in his infinite wisdom God chose to redeem men through the wholly unmerited grace of Christ. moreover the last time i checked, every man that i know struggles mightily in some form or fashion with the same essential component of life that you are talking about. fortunately, as a fellow struggler, i can affirm that God's grace is sufficient not only to provide forgiveness from our sins but to bring some sort of broken redemption into this oft plagued corner of our personal lives.

thank you for facing the music. welcome to the fellowship.

A-Typical Sociologist said...

I thank you all for the support and encouragement.

Agent B said...

Carlos,

Thanks for being real.

Keep in touch.

james said...

I echo all of the above comments made by all of these brothers. As Gentry said, all of us hit this topic in one form or another, myself included. And as B said . . . thanks for being real.